Psychoanalyst Theodor Reik introduced the concept of the “third ear” to describe a deeper way of listening that attunes to unspoken meanings and emotional nuances, enabling a better understanding of what lies beneath the surface of spoken words.
Developing this ability is a powerful tool. We can all become more attentive if we set out to develop our third ear, and an in-depth appreciation for what drives people to make better business decisions.
But many people have trouble listening with two ears, let alone a third. Here are six practical pointers to boost your active listening skills and become a better leader.
1. Pay attention to indirect cues and body language
When discussing problems or challenges, people aren’t always direct. They might only hint at significant concerns, leave out certain parts of their story, or express important information in indirect ways.
Aware of these tendencies, psychologists and therapists often tune into subtle body language cues when listening to their clients. These techniques can provide valuable insights into effective listening skills, even in a business setting. Consider how the following approaches could improve your listening skills:
- Stay present until the end: ensure you give people your undivided attention throughout the whole interaction. Your body language is important for making people feel heard, even as they’re leaving. Don’t use your phone or focus on something else, as you might miss an important cue, and people will feel less inclined to speak openly with you.
- Mind the gaps: attentive listeners are more likely to notice inconsistencies or things left unsaid. You can gently probe these areas, pause, and encourage the person to speak openly. This may uncover underlying anxieties or concerns.
- Recognise indirect communication: listen for how people express themselves. Not everyone is up-front about their feelings or concerns. Phrases like “It’s been somewhat challenging” might be softened expressions of frustration, discontent or even anger. When you listen for the subtext, you can engage your “third ear” to delve into deeper meanings and emotions.
Adopting these techniques helps you learn how to be a better listener and foster a culture of open communication that builds trust and understanding in your professional relationships.
2. Listen to understand, not respond
Often in our eagerness to help, we share our own stories, experiences, or suggestions. But sometimes people don’t want a solution; they just want to be heard. Unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated and can even feel intrusive, akin to showing up at someone’s house unannounced.
Despite well-meaning intent, unsolicited advice can disrupt the listening process because the focus shifts from trying to understand the speaker to asserting your own perspective. Some people just need a listening ear. By resisting the urge to chime in with a solution, you're making space for people to speak freely. Don’t be afraid to let silence do its part, as it can encourage deeper, more heartfelt sharing. You never know what might be shared with you simply by being present in the conversation.
3. Cultivate open communication by showing you’re ready to listen
Business leaders must foster an environment where team members feel comfortable sharing their concerns. But how can you ensure open lines of communication and prove that you’re not just hearing your colleagues and reports, but are actively listening to them? Consider:
- Reflecting on team culture: consider the current communication dynamics. Are certain topics deemed taboo? Do team members hesitate to bring up issues for fear of repercussions? If so, you should actively work to change those perceptions by actively soliciting feedback in team meetings or one-on-one sessions, or through anonymous feedback channels.
- Leading by example: Have you made it clear that your door is wide open to everyone, no matter their seniority? Proclaiming an open-door policy is one thing, but your demeanour, responses, and proactive engagement truly demonstrate your commitment.
- Addressing barriers to communication: people’s perceptions tend to become their reality. They may perceive barriers to communication, even if they aren’t there. Ensure you recognise these barriers and work to address them, perhaps by hosting training sessions on effective communication or providing platforms where team members feel safe sharing.
By taking these steps, you can signal that you value open communication and are committed to enhancing your listening skills. Genuine accessibility and active listening – especially with your “third ear” engaged – underscores your genuine care and concern for your team.
4. Prioritise active listening in your professional development
Some people are natural-born listeners. People walk away from them feeling heard because they didn’t struggle to get a word in, they weren’t interrupted, and they weren’t bombarded with unsolicited advice.
If active listening isn’t your strength, consider taking proactive measures to develop and improve your skills. This can be a game changer for your personal and professional growth. Consider the following steps:
- Self-awareness: reflect on your conversational habits. Are you allowing others to fully express themselves, or do you tend to interrupt, or shift focus to your own experiences? No one can really teach us how to change these tendencies; we must make a conscious decision to recognise and break bad habits.
- Commit to growth: active listening is a skill that can be learned and refined. Consider actively prioritising it as part of your professional development journey.
- Seek external help: consider enrolling in a strategic listening class or partnering with a business coach experienced in helping others hone their listening skills. The International Coach Federation (ICF), for example, offers a Coach Referral Service with a searchable directory of international, ICF-credentialed coaches who can help guide you.
Tuning your “third ear” is about more than just listening to the words people say, it’s about deeply understanding and valuing others you interact with.
5. Challenge your assumptions
It’s natural for us to make assumptions while listening, as our brains are wired to be efficient and predictive. While these assumptions help us process information quickly, constant references to past experiences or beliefs may also hinder our ability to fully understand what’s being said. Individuals with great listening skills are aware of this cognitive bias and actively work against it.
As you engage in conversations, strive to remain present, listen attentively, and resist the urge to jump to conclusions or fill gaps with your own interpretations. Pause and ask yourself: “Am I making up my own version of what I've heard, or am I really listening?” Using our “third ear” means moving beyond these automatic judgments to perceive the speaker’s authentic message.
6. Embrace humility to enhance listening
True listening often demands intellectual humility; the understanding that we don’t possess all the answers and that others might possess insights we haven’t considered. That means being comfortable with being wrong. Practicing humility in conversations can involve:
- Acknowledging that we have something to learn from others
- Approaching dialogues with a beginner’s mind
- Remaining open and receptive to new ideas
- Resisting the urge to dominate or steer the conversation, based on preconceptions
When we adopt a more humble approach, we shift away from an ego-driven state and become better equipped to use our “third ear.” In doing so we not only become better listeners but are also more capable of fostering genuine connections with others.
The bottom line
Tuning into our “third ear” is an effective leadership technique that allows us to dive deeper into conversations, demonstrate respect and understanding for our peers, and ultimately enhance our personal and professional relationships. When we make a concerted effort to go beyond surface level listening to embrace the nuances and emotions of a conversation, we unlock a level of communication that can foster trust, empathy, and genuine connection.
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